• Today's Deep Thought by Jack Handey

    From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.bbsindex.com to All on Saturday, July 25, 2020 00:35:56
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed
    to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese "gems"
    from burglars.
    ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.bbsindex.com to All on Sunday, July 26, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If I was being executed by lethal injection, I'd clean up my
    cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say,
    "Injection? I thought you said 'inspection.'" They'd
    probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, July 27, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our
    civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were
    just kidding, that this isn't our real civilization, but a
    gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to come
    back in twenty years to see our real civilization. After
    that, we start a crash program of coming up with a new
    civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens as
    they're waving good-bye.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, July 28, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    The memories of my family outings are still a source of
    strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car--I
    forget what kind it was--and drive and drive. I'm not sure
    where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The
    smell of something was strong in the air as we played
    whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we
    called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think
    we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, July 29, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was
    watching. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said
    Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we
    should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted.
    I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and
    forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided
    to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, July 30, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a
    big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa
    Whoa " and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall
    in.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, July 31, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me,
    you.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, August 01, 2020 00:00:06
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy,
    and I'll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both
    have a beard.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, August 02, 2020 00:00:02
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    There are many stages to a man's life. In the first stage,
    he is young and eager, like a beaver. In the second stage,
    he wants to build things, like dams, and maybe chew down
    some trees. In the third stage, he feels trapped, and then
    "skinned." I'm not sure what the fourth stage is.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, August 03, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of
    danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then
    yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, August 04, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me,
    that's what her dinner tasted like.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, August 05, 2020 00:00:02
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a
    skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a
    skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and
    really scare you.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, August 06, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I remember we were all horrified to see Grandpa up on the
    roof with his Superman cape on. "Get down!" yelled Uncle
    Lou. "Don't move!" screamed Grandma. But Grandpa wouldn't
    listen. He walked to the edge of the roof and stuck out his
    arms, like he was going to fly. I forget what happened
    after that.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, August 07, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not
    our children's children, because I don't think children
    should be having sex.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, August 08, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I think one way police departments could make some money
    would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people,
    for example, could probably use a cheap ice pick.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, August 09, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    As we were driving we saw a sign that said "Watch For
    Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch For Pretty Rocks."
    I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway
    department, but she started saying it was a joke--just to
    get out of writing a simple letter. And I thought I was lazy.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, August 10, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very
    large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then, after you
    camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, August 11, 2020 00:02:28
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,
    because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try
    to catch you, because, hey, free dummy.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, August 12, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of
    something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says,
    "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got
    these sacks."
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, August 13, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your
    life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are,
    little blacksmith.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, August 14, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot
    and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in
    his car and keep driving.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, August 15, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting
    them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no
    good reason.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, August 16, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof
    reminded me of the sound of urine splashing into a filthy
    Texaco latrine.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, August 17, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in
    front of our house. And thought, I too am like that snail.
    I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you
    will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective
    substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, August 18, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope
    He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, August 19, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is
    actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting
    from the previous flap?
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, August 20, 2020 00:00:05
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of
    the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't
    understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, August 21, 2020 00:06:52
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you're travelling in a time machine, and you're eating
    corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things
    one way or the other. But here's the point I'm trying to
    make: Corn on the cob is good, isn't it.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, August 22, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the
    stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just
    pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in
    your lap and form it into a big, mushy ball. Then, later,
    when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a
    big, fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say,
    "Boy, these are good cigars!"
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, August 23, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing.
    But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come
    back with some whore he picked up in town.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, August 24, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just
    call them "impressions," and if you got a different
    "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, August 25, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes
    me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid,
    stupid bastard!" Then I drive them out into the desert to
    where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra
    and clown life.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, August 26, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    What am I afraid of? I'll tell you: a feather. That's
    right, a feather. How could anyone be afraid of a feather,
    you say. That's an honest question, and I'll try to give an
    honest answer. First of all, did I say it was a poison
    feather?
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, August 27, 2020 00:00:12
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep
    Dracula _and_ Superman away.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, August 28, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little
    trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's
    house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the
    door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A
    jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a
    note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot
    better, and no harm done.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, August 29, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was
    going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead
    drove him to an old, burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said,
    "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think
    that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I
    started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was
    getting pretty late.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, August 30, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a
    six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way,
    if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look.
    He's carrying a soldering iron " and started laughing, I
    could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The
    soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real
    quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering
    iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free
    drink.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, August 31, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Just because swans mate for life, I don't think it's that
    big of a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're
    probably not going to find a swan that looks that much
    better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, September 01, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me
    quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my
    own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was
    only later that I discovered they were not Indians after all,
    but dirty clothes hampers.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, September 02, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe
    there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to
    ant-size, and we would get together and dig tunnels down
    into the ground, and live there. But don't ever call us
    "ants," because we hate that.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, September 03, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every
    morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to that old
    board of his. The he'd spin it round and round, like a
    wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell
    out, "Tadpoles Tadpoles is a winner " We all thought he
    was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, September 04, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in
    front of our house. And thought, I too am like that snail.
    I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you
    will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective
    substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, September 05, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in
    my life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count
    that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, September 06, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in
    the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into
    a panic.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, September 07, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about
    the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it
    doesn't have that dangerous beak.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, September 08, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If I could be a bird, I think I'd be a penguin, because then
    I could walk around on two feet with a lot of other guys
    like me.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, September 09, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful
    flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And
    he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's
    carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also,
    you're drunk.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, September 10, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask
    is if they ever press charges.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, September 11, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a
    six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way,
    if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look.
    He's carrying a soldering iron " and started laughing, I
    could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The
    soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real
    quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering
    iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free
    drink.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, September 12, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    If you're an ant, and you're walking across the top of a cup
    of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing
    between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding
    skin.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, September 13, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular
    heaven and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a
    trick, but if it's not - mmmmm, boy.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, September 14, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I remember how, in college, I got that part-time job as a
    circus clown, and how the children would laugh and laugh at
    me. I vowed, then and there, that I would get revenge.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, September 15, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    As we were driving we saw a sign that said "Watch For
    Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch For Pretty Rocks."
    I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway
    department, but she started saying it was a joke--just to
    get out of writing a simple letter. And I thought I was lazy.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, September 16, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was
    watching. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said
    Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we
    should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted.
    I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and
    forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided
    to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, September 17, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get
    down in the dirt and beg for it.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Friday, September 18, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.
    And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just
    sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Saturday, September 19, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how
    about individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when
    you want to ask a question, you just push the button and it
    lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the
    front of the class. Then all the professor has to do is
    check the lighted number against a master sheet of names and
    numbers to see who is asking the question.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Sunday, September 20, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of
    the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't
    understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Monday, September 21, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Tuesday, September 22, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    I remember that fateful day when Coach took me aside. I
    knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said.
    "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said the Coach, "you
    never were really _on_ the team. You made that uniform
    you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a
    toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either
    steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you
    try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all
    true what he was saying. And yes, I thought, something is
    brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in
    me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's
    when I felt the handcuffs go on.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Wednesday, September 23, 2020 00:00:01
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta
    cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at
    Marineland says "You can't throw chicken to the dolphins.
    They eat fish." Sure they eat fish, if that's all you give
    them. Man, wise up.
  • From Digital Distortion BBS@nightfox@digdist.synchro.net to All on Thursday, September 24, 2020 00:00:00
    Today's Deep Thought, by Jack Handey:

    by Jack Handey
    ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
    Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the
    word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two
    separate words--"mank" and "ind." What do these words mean?
    It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.