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  • No Excuses Sunday

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Wed Aug 4 00:04:33 2021
    A church had been steadily losing members on Sunday mornings...and
    each of them had a different excuse as to why they missed. So, they
    decided to have a "No Excuses Sunday"...& to acquaint the members with
    the program, the church printed the following in their order of worship.

    "No Excuse Sunday"

    In order to make it posible for everyone to attend church next Sunday,
    we have planned a special "No Excuse Sunday".

    1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say "Sunday is my
    only day to sleep in".

    2. Eye drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from
    watching TV too late on Saturday night.

    3. We will have steel helmets who believe the roof will cave in if they
    show up for church.

    4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is
    too cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say the church is too hot.

    5. We will have hearing aids for the parishioners who say, "The pastor
    doesn't talk loud enough". There will be cotton for those who say "The
    pastor talks too loud".

    6. Score cards will be available for those who wish to count the
    hypocrites.

    7. We guarantee that some relatives will be present for those who like
    to go visiting on Sunday.

    8. There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can't go
    to church, and cook dinner too.

    9. One section of the church will have some trees in it for those who
    see God in nature...especially on the golf course. With this in mind, a
    golf course and lake will be provided for those who'd rather play golf
    and fish on Sunday.

    10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and
    Easter lilies, to create a familiar environment for those who have never
    seen the church without them.
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:2320/33 to George Pope on Tue Dec 28 18:02:00 2021
    George,

    He was having such a good time, seeing his parishioners up front, that when his usual cutoff at noon, passed, he was just getting waermed up, suddenly he felt a motion, as the floor, on hidden gears & a lift,
    dropped him into the basement, where a nice lunch spread was awaiting
    all.

    I've heard a variation on that...where when he was shown how the deal
    would work (so much for the "back row Baptists"...who have to come early
    to get a seat <G>), he said "Wonderful!! Marvelous!!".

    The reaction from the congregation was the same when he dropped into
    the basement. <G>

    (One of the deacons did the benediction, so all was well)

    The Baptists want to get out of church early, as they're afraid
    that the Methodists will beat them to lunch. <G>

    Daryl

    ... A Sysop's phone and internet bills know no bounds...
    === MultiMail/Win v0.52
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)
  • From George Pope@1:153/757 to Daryl Stout on Mon Mar 10 06:34:16 2025
    The Baptists want to get out of church early, as they're afraid
    that the Methodists will beat them to lunch.

    If the church recycles bathroom water for the baptismal font, does that mean you get baptised as a piss-copalian?

    --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)